"there's a smell in here that will outlast religion"

Manly and the beach, we live a 10 second walk from the sea.


It had to happen eventually. After reviewing my finances it became clear that if I was to continue this trip (and being a work shy freeloader that I am I most defiantly want to); staying in penthouse luxury apartments and eating in Australia’s finest and most expensive restaurants was not really the way forward.
The last week was filled with sightseeing and relaxing before the big move, the move to the hostel, more about later.

The week begun with a good old fashion scrap and it didn’t even involve me; Superlise was the cause of the furore. We were wandering around Darling Harbour when I decided I wanted to take a look in the exhibition centre. Sportingly Superlise decided to join me and was rewarded when the first sign we saw said in huge letters ‘SHOE EXPO’. If you have ever been with a young lady in these circumstances you will know what it’s like and just how terrifying it can be. She was like a Rottweiler puppy being taken for a walk on a lead for the first time and she nearly pulled my arms out of my sockets dragging me to the expo. She could barley speak when she got to the entrance such was her excitement. The first and only question she managed was
“how much is it to get in?”
“Free” was the response
With that she hurtled towards the entrance as the security shouted after her that
“You have to work in the shoe industry to go in there though”.
As we were both in shorts, tee-shirts and flip flops it was obvious that we were not indeed working in the shoe industry (unless we could have convinced them we worked in a sweat shop in China).
With this Superlise spun round and weighed up her options, she quickly decided to make a run for it.
I thought it a good contest, 2 security guards ran after her and after a quick run around one of them managed to rugby tackle her just before the door; she didn’t give up though and clung onto the door shouting
“Let me in pleasssseeeeeeeeeee. Enough was enough and the three of us finally managed to prise her fingers away from the door and carry her kicking and screaming carcass to the exit, it took her a few hours to get over that and was only bought back to her senses with a good old fashioned piss-up.

Next up was a rugby league game. The foundation cup is in its second year but despite its fancy title it’s really just a pre season warm up match between the Sydney Roosters and the West Coast Tigers (WCT) at the Aussie Stadium, next door to the SCG and home to the Roosters. I was surprised at the 17,000 fans that turned up but we were all marvellously rewarded early on when the announcer came on and shouted
“Ok guys now its time for the cheerleader dance off”,
never have I heard such a beautiful sentence. The Roosters girls came out first, were soon followed by the Tigers girls and they were all then followed by the star of the show and of the night.
If you have seen the film Jurassic Park you will remember the scene when the dinosaur first makes its presence felt. There is a cup of water on the dashboard of a truck and its vibrations indicate something very big and very close is near. Much the same happened to my pint of VB. Both sets of girls had already begun dancing but by now everyone in the stadium had become aware of the thuds getting louder and louder and then she entered the arena.
Quite simply the largest cheerleader in the world entered the ground marching out with a huge smile and even bigger thighs; she put Mark Hughes to shame.

Not only was she large, she had on the tightest outfit of any of the WCT girls (her team) which made what she did next even more incredible. She started, back flips, cartwheels, handstands, backwards, forwards, sideways, whatever. No one could quite believe it. I promise the 17,000 fans were pissing themselves, not at her but with her.
Everyone cheered every jump until the inevitable diaster struck and she crashed into the turf attempting one back flip to many and poleaxing the Roosters mascot in the process (I am not making this up). The other cheerleaders carried on as medical staff rushed out to revive both the dancer and mascot and the stadium staff had time to fill in the pot holes she had left all over the pitch.
Fair play to the WCT team, they came out and helped lift her into the tunnel, the applause and cheers still ringing around the stadium for her. The other cheerleaders took there seats, just in front of Superlise and I as it happened, it was lucky Lise had a digital camera because I took about 300 shots of them.
As we had entered the arena we had got chatting to one supporter who explained that the Roosters were Sydney’s wealthy side and that the WCT represented the working class; that immediately settled who we would both cheer for.
I had attempted to explain the rules and what would happen before hand but as any bloke knows taking a girl to a league match for the first time will always illicit the same response. After the very first tackle Lise’s chin dropped and she shouted,
“Get off him, that’s hurting him”.
Every bloke around me smiled sagely, understanding that no matter what you say, most women will never understand it. Things changed in this case surprisingly quickly though, once she realised it was her team (the Posh ones) doing the tackling it all became,
“Smash his head in!” “Kick him in the head” “Knee him in the face!”
I’m not sure the parents of the kids who sat in front of us were all to impressed but the linesman was, he kept turning around from the game wanting to get a glimpse of a posh sounding English bird screaming
“Smash him”
every time one of my chaps got the ball.

Sunday saw us visit the Olympic stadium/village and we were both blown away with the size, design and overall feel of the place.





This women provided me with one of my top 3 olympic moments, they showed us video's at the stadium and i still get goosebumps now watching it.


Australians don’t fuck about when it comes to sport and in my opinion they should hold all major sporting events forever. Not only do they seem to knock up stadiums in 5 minutes (unless the English are paying for it of course) they also have a nation besotted by sport.
This of course leads me in nicely to what the reaction is here to their one day cricket team who had been favourites for the world cup and seeded world number 1 until Sunday when New Zealand inflicted their fourth straight defeat on them (and their fifth last night), never have I seen a species of people so utterly despondent. I of course am loving every minute of it and take every opportunity to remind them that if England & NZ can beat them, anyone can which normally invokes the reaction I seek most, utter fury and despair, hurrah.


Though they are a nation in fear of not winning the world cup this year the Ossies do make a bloody good comedy and ‘Kenny’ is no exception. I would go further than the box which said it’s funnier than ‘the Castle’, Australia’s favourite movie about itself. I would say this film is without doubt the funniest I have seen in years, I had tears in my eyes all the way through it and I jumped, cheered and punched the air at the ending. Kenny works in waste management (shit) at splashdown and the film chronicles his day to day life. Lines such as "there's a smell in here that will outlast religion" and "busier than a one-armed bricklayer in Baghdad made for a great nights viewing. Full of pathos and wit I strongly urge you to rent it when you can, me? I’m buying it.


Rent this film, if you don't like i will refund you the rental money.


To the hostel and I’m in one finally. Last week we had a look around Manly (Action Dave called it the area most like Brighton in the UK) and fell in love with the place immediately. This is surfer paradise without all the crap that goes with Bondi.
I did of course get badly sunburnt on my first full day on the beach but you wouldn’t expect anything less. I am 20 years older that than the next eldest person in the hostel which is different, also the dorm I am in is mixed. I had gone to sleep Monday evening with there being two other blokes in the room, I awoke to find 3 girls had also moved in which made for a few embarrassing moments (note to oneself, do not wear unflattering under crackers to bed again). The first night we both got trolleyed to assist us in going to sleep, you can’t beat a beer anaesthetic.

Finally I read how Manly got its name originally. Apparently the first sailors were confronted by aboriginals who appeared to be ‘Manly’ hence the name. When I got off the ferry and saw the ‘Welcome to Manly’ I wondered what it would have been called had they discovered me here a hundred odd years ago, I came up with ‘Welcome to Salad Dodger’.


Its all very cosy, things could interesting