Human Testing, Volunteers Wanted
As you can see i have been kind enough to put some chrimbo cards on the blog, click on them if you can't read them there worth it.
Well who would have thought 6 months ago that on a Friday early evening I would be enjoying a cold beer after a hard days graft and not only really enjoying it but also being fully deserving of it.
Once again I have been out again with Cousin Jason and this week he has had one thing on his mind and one thing only, causing me an injury. Forget about the fact I have been getting out of bed at 6am, working 14 hour days, digging holes and mixing cement; oh no, my Aussie cousin wanted blood and he can now be fully satisfied with his weeks efforts. I m bleeding from 6 different cuts, I had to visit the dentist yesterday (possibly something to do with the washing line he cracked me in the mouth with, by accident of course) and I still have vision in two eyes due to the fact I was wearing glasses when he was cutting steel wires above my head. To top it all off he made me my lunch today, a ham sandwich and didn’t put mayonnaise on it, is there a worse kind of cruelty?
Having had my moan I have to admit of course I loved every minute of it; its good to be back doing a bit of physical work (and it has amused my sister no end, the thought of me actually getting my hands dirty is enough to send her into fits of giggles).
One of the great things about the work was being able to go to peoples homes and have a good snoop round and believe me Jay does not discriminate about who he installs washing lines for.
The best house was owned by a chap called Barry who after a long conversation I decided was some kind of government enforcer. He had a marvellous house worth a few million and was as down to earth as they come. I also met a wonderful old lady (“I’m 89 you know”), who made me an offer, I promise you, an 89 year old hit on me, its good to have a back up plan I suppose if I can’t find anyone else but I was hoping for someone younger, its not often you get to say to a women, if you were only 60 years younger.
The worst, there were quite a few bad ones to be honest and they all had the same problem’ they all let the dogs crap in the garden and never bothered to clear it up meaning we had to tip toe round the garden much as a UN peacekeeping mission does when crossing a mine field.
Still I met a lot of marvellous people and I definitely got a great insight into Western Australian people and they are a great lot, happy with life and very welcoming to visitors.
Of course you know me and it’s not all been work work work. I have been able to fit in a fair bit of play in their too, I had to adjust after the cricket finished and the chaps went home but I’m very adaptable when it comes to leisure. This week for instance I managed a round of golf with my uncle and Auntie and also had time for a ‘rest’ day, Spillanester style which involved a decent lie in, lunch at a sushi restaurant, shopping and a visit to the cinema (watched the latest Bond film and happy to report it was surprisingly good, contrary to reports I heard). All of this took it out of me so much I needed to go to the casino for a few liveners and a few hands of poker (great game again same result as last time).
The food here is as not only delicious it is incredibly cheap. Take for example a meal cousin Jason and I shared the other evening after a hard day’s graft. Local Chinese, opened with a beer, followed up with a bottle of red, in between course we snacked on a scrunchily hot king prawn dish schezuan style, sizzling fillet steak and chicken in black bean sauce with of course the ubiquitous special fried rice. How much for that lot? Have a guess in sterling. Between us it came to a whopping twenty five quid or sixteen pound each with to include a reasonable tip.
I’m definitely eating more as a result of actually doing some physical work and the fact I have so far stuck to my plan of not smoking. If ever you want to quit smoking forget about patches hypnotism etc merely book a flight to Oz and stay here for a while, hardly anyone smokes, in fact I was recently conversing with Dragon on this very matter and he agreed, he made me laugh out loud when he explained to me on msn how little he enjoyed smoking over here, his words “they look at you like a fuckin rapist every time you light up”, quite.
I’m used to seeing cigarette packets having a government ordered grisly message on the packets to try (somewhat ridiculously) and prevent you from buying that pack you crave (though the upside is when you do the treasury cop their wack). I was absolutely flabbergasted last night though when I unscrewed the top from a bottle of Toohey’s platinum extra dry. I was looking at the bottle and nodding approvingly at its 6.5% alc/vol content when a message on the top itself caught my eye, ‘volunteers wanted for human testing. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t know whether to spit my beer out or go and buy another crate. When I informed my Cousin of my observation he merely nodded, not a care that the beer he was drinking was advertising for human testing and I wondered for a short time that he may have already had succumbed to the lure of easy cash. It turned out of course to be a wind up by the brewery and a good one at that but far to sophisticated for the beers normal patrons in my opinion.
Sad news this week with the announcement Shane Warne is set to retire from international cricket after this ashes series. Quite simply this man is the greatest bowler who has ever lived in my opinion and it was a pleasure and an honour to watch him perform in his last ashes rubber with something still on the game. Ok so he’s done a few drugs, meddled with some dubious women, chased some ladies with pervy texts and sold information to bookmakers but ask yourself one question, who hasn’t?
Christmas day will soon be upon us and I have my crimbo all sorted out. Christmas Eve starts with a lunchtime bar-bee here at Jays, then onto uncle Patrick’s in the evening for a party. The day itself is predicted to be 38+ so unlikely to see snow. We will be going to Tina’s parent’s (Jason’s wife) for a home cooked Italian meal I have assured is going to be one of the finest meals I will have eaten, we were meant to get there before but had to cancel because of work, no fear of that on Xmas day. They have a pool, make their own wine and port, carnage potential = extremely high.
Adieu readers until after the festivities are over, hope you have a good one, I know I’m gonna enjoy an Aussie Christmas and now I don’t even have to worried about feeling lonely, there’s an 89 year old lass who lives a short walk away.
Well who would have thought 6 months ago that on a Friday early evening I would be enjoying a cold beer after a hard days graft and not only really enjoying it but also being fully deserving of it.
Once again I have been out again with Cousin Jason and this week he has had one thing on his mind and one thing only, causing me an injury. Forget about the fact I have been getting out of bed at 6am, working 14 hour days, digging holes and mixing cement; oh no, my Aussie cousin wanted blood and he can now be fully satisfied with his weeks efforts. I m bleeding from 6 different cuts, I had to visit the dentist yesterday (possibly something to do with the washing line he cracked me in the mouth with, by accident of course) and I still have vision in two eyes due to the fact I was wearing glasses when he was cutting steel wires above my head. To top it all off he made me my lunch today, a ham sandwich and didn’t put mayonnaise on it, is there a worse kind of cruelty?
Having had my moan I have to admit of course I loved every minute of it; its good to be back doing a bit of physical work (and it has amused my sister no end, the thought of me actually getting my hands dirty is enough to send her into fits of giggles).
One of the great things about the work was being able to go to peoples homes and have a good snoop round and believe me Jay does not discriminate about who he installs washing lines for.
The best house was owned by a chap called Barry who after a long conversation I decided was some kind of government enforcer. He had a marvellous house worth a few million and was as down to earth as they come. I also met a wonderful old lady (“I’m 89 you know”), who made me an offer, I promise you, an 89 year old hit on me, its good to have a back up plan I suppose if I can’t find anyone else but I was hoping for someone younger, its not often you get to say to a women, if you were only 60 years younger.
The worst, there were quite a few bad ones to be honest and they all had the same problem’ they all let the dogs crap in the garden and never bothered to clear it up meaning we had to tip toe round the garden much as a UN peacekeeping mission does when crossing a mine field.
Still I met a lot of marvellous people and I definitely got a great insight into Western Australian people and they are a great lot, happy with life and very welcoming to visitors.
Of course you know me and it’s not all been work work work. I have been able to fit in a fair bit of play in their too, I had to adjust after the cricket finished and the chaps went home but I’m very adaptable when it comes to leisure. This week for instance I managed a round of golf with my uncle and Auntie and also had time for a ‘rest’ day, Spillanester style which involved a decent lie in, lunch at a sushi restaurant, shopping and a visit to the cinema (watched the latest Bond film and happy to report it was surprisingly good, contrary to reports I heard). All of this took it out of me so much I needed to go to the casino for a few liveners and a few hands of poker (great game again same result as last time).
The food here is as not only delicious it is incredibly cheap. Take for example a meal cousin Jason and I shared the other evening after a hard day’s graft. Local Chinese, opened with a beer, followed up with a bottle of red, in between course we snacked on a scrunchily hot king prawn dish schezuan style, sizzling fillet steak and chicken in black bean sauce with of course the ubiquitous special fried rice. How much for that lot? Have a guess in sterling. Between us it came to a whopping twenty five quid or sixteen pound each with to include a reasonable tip.
I’m definitely eating more as a result of actually doing some physical work and the fact I have so far stuck to my plan of not smoking. If ever you want to quit smoking forget about patches hypnotism etc merely book a flight to Oz and stay here for a while, hardly anyone smokes, in fact I was recently conversing with Dragon on this very matter and he agreed, he made me laugh out loud when he explained to me on msn how little he enjoyed smoking over here, his words “they look at you like a fuckin rapist every time you light up”, quite.
I’m used to seeing cigarette packets having a government ordered grisly message on the packets to try (somewhat ridiculously) and prevent you from buying that pack you crave (though the upside is when you do the treasury cop their wack). I was absolutely flabbergasted last night though when I unscrewed the top from a bottle of Toohey’s platinum extra dry. I was looking at the bottle and nodding approvingly at its 6.5% alc/vol content when a message on the top itself caught my eye, ‘volunteers wanted for human testing. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t know whether to spit my beer out or go and buy another crate. When I informed my Cousin of my observation he merely nodded, not a care that the beer he was drinking was advertising for human testing and I wondered for a short time that he may have already had succumbed to the lure of easy cash. It turned out of course to be a wind up by the brewery and a good one at that but far to sophisticated for the beers normal patrons in my opinion.
Sad news this week with the announcement Shane Warne is set to retire from international cricket after this ashes series. Quite simply this man is the greatest bowler who has ever lived in my opinion and it was a pleasure and an honour to watch him perform in his last ashes rubber with something still on the game. Ok so he’s done a few drugs, meddled with some dubious women, chased some ladies with pervy texts and sold information to bookmakers but ask yourself one question, who hasn’t?
Christmas day will soon be upon us and I have my crimbo all sorted out. Christmas Eve starts with a lunchtime bar-bee here at Jays, then onto uncle Patrick’s in the evening for a party. The day itself is predicted to be 38+ so unlikely to see snow. We will be going to Tina’s parent’s (Jason’s wife) for a home cooked Italian meal I have assured is going to be one of the finest meals I will have eaten, we were meant to get there before but had to cancel because of work, no fear of that on Xmas day. They have a pool, make their own wine and port, carnage potential = extremely high.
Adieu readers until after the festivities are over, hope you have a good one, I know I’m gonna enjoy an Aussie Christmas and now I don’t even have to worried about feeling lonely, there’s an 89 year old lass who lives a short walk away.
posted by lionel hutz at 12/22/2006
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