A Hot Summer Evening

Not Summer but you get the idea.


If you have watched and liked the office or peepshow you will love channel 4's excellent comedy show 'Star Stories'. Last nights episode featuring ‘Madonna and Guy’ was superb. The sky description of the show was ‘gleefully presses its nose against the steamy window of fame’ and I couldn’t put it any better. If Celeb culture irritates you and you have a sense of humour this show is just the job. ‘Super Hans’ from peepshow was the main lead for this particular episode that I urge you to watch when it’s next on. If you’re not sure watch some of the clips

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/S/starstories/watch.html

After that was a part 3 to a film I didn’t realise had a part 2. I first saw infernal affairs last year and it was one of the best Hong Kong movies I’d ever seen. Its main star Andy Lau is rarely in something bad and more recently it has been covered by Martin Scorsese in his film ‘The Departed’. I have no idea if the remake will be any good but trust me on this and rent ‘Infernal Affairs’, it’s a winner.

Speaking of winners, my good friend the Dragon won the ‘Stan James Golf Society Morocco Open’. 18 of us made the journey to the port in Tarifa to catch the 9am ferry Tuesday morning. Most got a coach but I was naive enough to believe the Dragon when he said he would pick me up at 7.30am and give me a lift. He showed promptly at 8.06 which left us about 40 minutes to make the 35-40 minute Journey on a busy Tuesday morning in the pouring rain. Any snarl ups in Algeciras would have finished us but we made it with minutes to spare and my trembling body needing a cigarette after being in the passenger seat to Michael ‘Dragon’ Schumacher on pro plus.

After breakfast and unpacking we ventured to the course where we were two play 2 rounds to decide the winner. The heavens had opened in Spain and it was much the same in Morocco. My four ball consisted of Dragon, Greg and Jez with the Dragon and I continuing our season match bet but also pairing up to eventually beat the tenacious twosome. The greens were awful but countered by the fact we had caddies.
Dragon set the tournament pace with a whopping 43 points off a 15 handicap I managing a respectable 32 off the same. The title would be decided the following day so the day one scores didn’t frighten me to much.

The reason for my confidence is that every summer I go to Galway to participate in the Red Bull Trophy Tour’, a golf society consisting of experienced golfers but more importantly seasoned party animals. On these tours I have learned the ability to play good golf even after consuming life reducing amounts of alcohol and some rich food; if lucky managing 2 hours sleep after a night of dancing and attempted pulling. These tours last 4 days and by the second day most of the field have ruled themselves out of contention complaining of headaches, hangovers, tiredness, dancing injuries, work commitments or lovebites. It’s a great annual event for me and like I said it has prepared me for day two after a very serious night one.

We returned to the hotel for a kip, drink, and shower etc. Dinner was served at 9pm and by 10.30 we had consumed a little food and many many bottles of wine. This is normally make or break time for the evening and whoever was responsible for the post dinner entertainment in the hotel deserves hearty congratulations. Mustapha our guide and driver asked us to put our hands together for the gorgeous ‘Summer’ who was to entertain us with some belly dancing. She eventually made her way to the stage and was met with roars of delight from our tables (the only ones occupied in the hotel dining room). Summer was fantastic, a juicy curvy smiler who put on a great show and responded to our cheers with ever increasing suggestive moves. Greg who was at my table was the first man she picked for a duet and he did not disappoint. Ray was next and he was so good some of our contingent tried to place money into his waistband rather than hers. Ryan, Stevie B and Gordy all accepted invitations from summer to strut their stuff which they all did admirably and helped create a sparkling atmosphere that started the night wonderfully.

Much to our disappointment Summer retired from our company and we converged to the hotels cocktail bar where the serious session began. Laughter was the main noise in the room as anecdotes, gossip and jokes were all exchanged with many new society members being impressed at how people they had previously thought quiet or even timid were in fact outside of work and completely the opposite.
That’s the main reason I enjoy both the golf societies I am a member of so much (even though I have left SJ I have been given honorary status much to my delight). You meet so many top blokes who enjoy the same things as I do, Golf, getting drunk, eating well, laughing and dancing. Golf is a game for all ages many different characters from many different backgrounds, take up the game if you haven’t already, it’s never to late.

After the bar we made the short journey across the hotel to the golden pond lounge/bar/nightclub. I had heard a variety of stories about the place, all good and I was not to be disappointed. First off there were quite a few Ladies in there, secondly the bar was open till at least 3. The music was as in the hotel, Arabic which is not the easiest type of music to shake your booty to but many of us managed a go. Later the house indulged us by playing some pop music from the 80’s and 90’s, my era. Summer surprised us all by reinventing herself from a sexy belly dancer to lead singer of a 12 man orchestra, the girl has many talents.
We began to drift away with the last 4 remaining deviants being Dave Coram, Ryan Dragon and I who all remained drinking talking and generally larking about. At one stage the Dragon made the wise choice of dragging me out of a car with some local and his girlfriend who said they were going to a party. I eventually crashed at around 6.45am and was happy to note the Dragon was well gone by the time we nodded off. Breakfast was consumed at 9.45am at the expense of a shower and the bus driver taking us to the course would have failed a breathalyser from just breathing in our fumes.

I played day 2 with Geordie Jez and Dave D-Force Durnan; it was a pleasant sunny afternoon and the greens had been cut to make putting a little easier. Jez and I lost the match on the last hole but enjoyed an enjoyable round with much banter.
I got the giggles when someone asked Geordie’s opinion on little Paul Garden. As mentioned previously little Paul is quite a character and it’s easy to see how someone like him would confuse Geordie. When asked about the previous evening he mentioned he had seen little Paul approach a Moroccan MAN and had asked him to dance. Geordie’s comment was ‘He’s a little too George Michael for me’. It transpired that little Paul had merely been rising to the bait from some of our chaps and was challenging the gentleman to a ‘dance off’.

I scored a very credible 36 points and was confident this would dispatch the Dragon. How wrong I was. He scored another whopping 42 points and cantered to victory though he also had to say goodbye to his current handicap of 15, a long goodbye because it will be a long time before he sees that particular handicap again methinks.
Second place overall went to Dave Coram and third to Moi. Three of the last four party animals came 1st 2nd and 3rd on both the days points and the tournament overall, a message in their somewhere.

The longish journey back to Tangiers was eased considerably by being in a smaller vehicle along with ‘Legend’ who entertained Ryan Dragon and I with various golfing tales. I again got the giggles when he informed me my old mucker Gordy had some how managed an air shot (that is swinging to hit the ball and missing) not as most people would do, with a big club in their hands but with a putter. Apparently he was standing over a 5 foot putt for an age then went to knock it in but missed the ball, hilarious, the previous evening’s belly dance had obviously affected Gordy hard.

We eventually made it back, Scott, Dave Coram and I decided on a post tour snack at Zen’s Chinese accompanied by a decent bottle of plonk. Garlic prawns, duck and pancakes were watered down with anecdotes and a young rioja. Both are new to the society and both were impressed by the organisation along with the time to mix with people from work they wouldn’t normally transgress with. That’s the whole point to me and I was delighted as someone who believes in the value of these things to hear how much they enjoyed both the golf and the company. Both are top chaps and will be welcome additions to future tours. I hope Portugal is considered as a venue some time in the future. Good weather, many different golf courses and established venues to dance the night away all point to a guaranteed good time to me and id love to do it in Summer, Fnarr Fnarr.