To Many Choices

Now that's Humour



Well we the crossbar with Garcia. He left so many shots out on the course it was a travesty he didn't win but what can you do, I copped on the place but at the 17th (the greatest par 5 in golf) he had a putt to take the lead and im sure certain victory but the pressure proved to much.
I saw him afterwards sitting on his own looking thoroughly pissed off so I couldn't bring myself to approach him and ask for the win part of my stake back. In fact it’s another reason to applaud Sergio; a lot of sportsmen these days are all smiles and handshakes after a defeat which as a punter is not something I like to see. If my selection loses I want him/her smashing up their equipment and calling everyone cunts, at least then you know they have had a go. Andy Murray like Garcia seems to be in that camp and so I might invest a few shillings on him to win something big next year, he definitely goes home and kicks the shit out of things when he doesn't win, a winner’s mentality I say.

Two good mates were over to watch the golf, 'The Swan' and Kevin made for a pleasant week and plenty of late nights, im starting to regret having discovered the late night haunt called the jazz bar or something like that.The chaps were as ever in great form, their punting ability and pisstaking are second to none and one has to be on ones toes when these jokers are in town. The Swans punting successes are legendary but Kevin's success rate with the Ladies compares favourably. This is a happily married bloke with children who swears he has never been unfaithful (I believe him) but who seems to get a buzz out of chatting up women which is fucking brilliant if you happen to be in his company and he spots a group of women. For instance at Billy's last week I made a rather feeble effort of chatting up an attractive young lady and had to bow out gracefully (before she told me to fuck off). Normally this would be the end of proceedings but in steps Kevin and within 30 minutes he had set up a date for me with her, marvellous stuff.

As I mentioned previously my time at Stanspoker has now ended the offers are coming in thick and fast. I have simply been overwhelmed with the response. The first offer was from my cousins to join them in Australia whilst the ashes are on. This was followed by an offer to join a mate of mine for a month in Thailand only to be counter offered by the proposal of a 2 week jaunt to Lanzarote with 5 mates of mine from Dublin.
The offer to go to Shanghai with the Swan also needs serious consideration though this conflicts with a trip to Goa with my mate Faiz unless I go straight to India from China. Im so fucking stupid im tempted to do the lot and suffer the consequences in February by which time any savings and my liver will be well and truly gone. Chances are I will end up on my settee for the next 6 months playing tiger woods 2007 on the play station but its nice to know people like my company ( I think its that, I hope its not the fact that they know I have a few quid spare and zero chance of saving it for anything sensible).

Of course I have had no job offers but I believe these days you actually have to apply for them. What happened to the good old days when you could rely on a phone call from a mate informing you of some company who were desperate for a man of your abilities and who were prepared to pay shed loads of money; maybe I have burnt too many bridges. I must make an effort to contact some companies but I really don't know what I want to do yet, other than be a professional golfer which im coming to understand is unlikely to happen.

No golf v the dragon last week but I did manage to sneak a round in at San Roque and I made another amazing discovery which could be the key to improving my golf game. If you don't go out the night before, drink lager/wine/vodka you play better. I could have saved fortunes by learning this before spending money on all sorts of fandango equipment and the odd 'How to play better golf' DVD. Il tell you how to play better, go to bed early, sober, eat breakfast and you will shoot 85 at the new course.

Another great discovery last week was that there is finally a decent Indian restaurant in LaLinea. The Golden something or other down by the Miramar hotel is to be strongly recommended to anyone who likes good service, great food and the magnificent, Cobra beer.


A friend and I were discussing the movies recently and he said I must watch Schindler's list but I would need a few tissues by my side. I watched it and for the life of me I don't know what he was on about, I couldn't possibly have a wank to any of that.

The above line is courtesy of Kevin who caught me out with it at the curry house, im still laughing typing it. He's a great bloke but I think I may have given him too much credit earlier, the 'date' never showed and I was left sucking my thumb. This of course is the second time I have been blown out in 2 days as the 'Irish Girls' (refer to previous post) are yet to book their flights, curses.
The only positive is that this left me clear to go to Alicante but I left it to late to book and that's now a non runner. CD (Chris Donnachie, my right hand man at Stanspoker) may have saved the day. He along with cohorts Vinny and Kenny are collecting a car at lunchtime tomorrow before heading off on a six hour drive to Benfica to watch the mighty hoops and it seems there is a spare seat. The alternative is golf against the dragon. Im going to watch both Stan James football teams play in Spain tonight which is normally followed by a serious session and following what I learned last week on how to play better golf maybe I should avoid a match against the dragon tomorrow, of the course the big danger is that I get blootered and wake up at 6pm tomorrow missing both opportunities; such is the life of an unemployed (or is that unemployable?) man.

Go Garcia!!!!!

Daniel


Well it was no surprise to see me old mucker Vinny win the Stan James darts championship destroying his opponent 5-1 and helping me cop on one of Paul 'Jade Goody' Gardens price ricks. Jade had made the less than 81 highest check-out prices 7/4 whereas I had it at 4-7. I the very last leg I gave Vinny a knowing wink when he had 107 left. I assumed he would just throw a couple of random darts leaving me to cop. Instead it was triple 20, 15 and then a hitting of the wire on double 16, phew.

Friday saw me `finally sort out all my exit plans with PF and then a few beers with a few people to extend my gratitude for all their support to me over the last couple of years.
Earlier I got a surprise when I got a phone call from my old man saying he was on business in Spain and wanted to meet up for a few beers later. A good few beers were had in Molly's and Billy's and we kicked on with the owner of Billy's (surprisingly called Billy) to a new LaLinea discovery for me, a very late opening chilled out Jazzy/Bluesy type bar.

Saturday night was the organised quiet drink for Tomas, his last day was Sunday so we all decided to take it fairly easy, the session finished early Monday morning. In that time we picked up various waifs and strays and enjoyed the Real Barca before enjoying a few more beers then I finally collapsed with exhaustion.

Monday saw me make a rash purchase after advice from my old mucker Faiz., Tiger Woods 2007 PS2 and already im finding it difficult to leave the house or eat or do anything else in fact, though in between rounds I have done a bit of thinking and if things all go according to plan it is possible I could make my way to Oz for the 3rd test at the Waca. I have relatives in Perth who made the fatal mistake recently of inviting me over, believing im sure that it would be a million to one I would go, ha-ha.

Talking of cricket the North South cricket game was cancelled due to bad weather which is a worry as from tomorrow the Volvo Masters at Valderrama begins with the order of merit up for grabs. A much better judge than me has strongly recommended an each bet on Garcia at 11-2 as a decent bet to nothing so when I saw the bonus king Betfred offering 7/1 and 5 places I decided to press a little. Magnificent record, form & home venue all point to Garcia according to the judge so im advocating any responsibility should he not cop.

Though i will be up at Valderrama a couple of days I will also be playing a couple of times and look forward to playing the old course at San Roque, the original championship course around these parts. Plenty of plans then but the problem is the weather has turned absolutley shite and im so spoilt by the summer even the slightest dark cloud has me scurrying back to bed.

I was hoping to make my way to Alicante next week but there is a potential clash of options. A few days in a villa in Alicante with one of my best mates was a big jolly but then I received an email from a 'Girl' I met in Ireland on holiday recently who is threatening to make a trip over here. It is totally not what you may be thinking, as Clinton famously said, 'I did not have sexual relations with that women', she was a good laugh and I did say she could stay. Even then it would have been a close call but when she said a friend of hers would also like to stay (and yes I checked it's not a bloke) I think they may have tipped the balance.

Also recently I had a lovely email from my one and only ex fiancée. She now lives in New Zealand with her family (I guess she would have moved further away from me if it was physically possible but short of moving to the moon I guess it isn’t).
'Sara' and I are still good mates and like to catch up every 6 months or so. In her honour I include a lovely picture of her 3 month old first born 'Daniel'. I know its cute but in reality im hoping this may appease him if in 20 years time he comes looking for the bloke who made his mother's life a misery for so long.

Put a fork in me, im done

Please Mr Trophy, come to the bridge this year, you will be most welcome.


First up another Bo Selecta catch phrase that came into folklore after the weekend Barca trip. Im not sure of the exact scene but it appeared a bloke was trying to describe to his mate what he would like to do to the pretty women they were looking at. His expression was' Phoar look at that, id leave her looking like a builders radio'....ha-ha quality, that's to Scott for that one.

What a long and fulfilling day I had yesterday, I have much to tell but surely none so amazing as a story I heard from one of my mates in the pub last night (after I had been knocked out of the poker tournament, more on that in a bit).

We were discussing masturbation, as is usual when there's a group of semi pissed up blokes in a bar after watching the footy. My mate (whom shall remain nameless) told me something absolutely fascinating. He explained that the first time he lost his virginity was the first time he had ever climaxed! Imagine that, how mind-blowing what that be? I think if it would have happened to me i would have married the girl on the spot. You hear some wonderful stories in the pub.

Before leaving work I enjoyed, along with everyone at Stan James, the West Indies putting the Aussies to the sword in the ICC cricket one dayer. The only thing more fulfilling that watching Scotland get beat at anything is watching Australia get beat at anything, especially cricket. As each of the Aussie wickets tumbled the roar in the office got louder, it turned out we had taken a rather chunky bet on Australia at 2-7 which added to the delight of watching them fail. If only England could tear up the form book and beat them on Saturday everything would be super duper.

I did venture to the Gibraltar casino for the £100 freeze out but I might as well have not bothered. Even with 5000 starting chips you need to win a few 50-50's and have the odd hand stand up. I got finished off by the rather attractive looking Dutch lady on my right. She limped, I raised with A-Q and she called. Flop was 3 clubs J 10 3. She checked first and I thought with the Ace of clubs in my hand that I had so many outs I would check behind her. The turn produced the 5 of clubs and a mini betting war. The 10 on the river saw the remaining shrapnel go in and her pair of 5's had housed up to send me to the rail. Kudos the pesky Swede Tomas who in his last ever competition up at the casino took home the 2.5k prize, well done Tomas.

Though slightly pissed off at being knocked out it did enable me to enjoy the Blues tonk Barcelona in the champion’s league. My Shevchenko prediction proved unfounded but luckily we have one of the hottest strikers in Europe currently partnering him and Drogba's wonder goal was enough. It appeared to be quite a good atmosphere on telly but a good mate of mine went and said it was pretty much the same as normal. Loads of women, tourists and city types all watching their blackberry's more than the football. Im not bothered that we are no longer the club I first started watching 29 years ago, in fact pretty tourists are much less aggressive than the morons I used to have to stand next to in the shed all those years ago.

More work news and I am both very sad and very delighted to announce the end of my tenure at the helm of Stanspoker at the end of this month. I resigned yesterday and intend to put my feet up for a few months. Firstly there are the Ashes; no cricket fan in his right mind would want to miss that. Then a trip to Alicante with various delinquents, then there's a trip to Morocco for a golfing jolly up, then a trip to London and Christmas in Ireland. Once I have got through all these I guess I will be skint and it will be time to look for a new job but im in no rush. One of the advantages of singledom is one is free to do pretty much as one chooses and im hoping for a couple of relaxing months perfecting my golf swing and play station skills before rejoining the ranks of the mass employed. Of course if something suitable comes up before Xmas I may have to take it but there's not many jobs that will tempt me off the sofa whilst the ashes takes place.

Tonight the party kicks on, my old mucker Vinny is in the Stan James darts final and is currently a 1-12 shot. Having said that the office bookie is one Paul Garden, the Jade Goody of Stans so there should be plenty of ricks for us all to enjoy. Also I need to organise tickets to the Volvo masters at Valderrama next week, its no wonder im leaving, work is getting in the way of my social life.

Alsatians, the Lot!!!!

We were there!!!!




Well where to begin, so much has happened in the last couple of weeks, I feel a trip to the priory is required, Christ knows how Pete Docherty copes. Last week I had two of my best mates over from London for a 4 day golfing fest. The 2 cool cats, Faiz and Darren, are both newish to the game but are now complete golf junkies and we played all 4 days with Darren claiming overall tour victory. After golf we carried on the theme by betting against each other on tiger woods 2007, I can't remember who won that. I also kicked ahead in my season golf match vs. the Dragon even after going 4 down after 4! Sadly I went 4 behind again yesterday at San Roque and never recovered, current score 7 & 1/2 each.

We also went up to the Gib casino for a poker tournament; we had heard it was a £100 freeze out but it turned out to be a £20 rebuy which none of us did any good in. On the plus side it was the first time I had attended one of these and I was very pleasantly surprised. Though it was self deal we had a guy on our table that was happy to deal every hand. There was absolutely no moaning or none of the usual wankers who play poker who want everyone to know, 'if I would have called I would have made sevens and two's'. everyone was pleasant, even after getting knocked out people wished each other good luck, all in all a very enjoyable experience and I shall defiantly be attending these poker nights, tonight in fact is a £100 freezeout, 30 minute blinds and 5000 starting chips, wish me luck.

Saturday morning had me up at the ungodly hour of 7am and off to Barcelona for a jolly up with some of the chaps I work with. Rob, Big Paul (ginger nuts), Dave, Prenders, Scott, the Youngster and I arrived in our city centre apartment at 1.30pm and were drinking beers outside a cafe by 1.32 pm. All sorts of nonsense went on and of course I am bound by the blokes mantra of 'what goes on on tour stays on tour'. There were many highlights, Dave getting pick pocketed then asking the pickpocket for his wallet and passport back which was handed over no problem, the discovery of a nightclub on the beach were all the bar staff are dressed in thongs, a certain member of the team getting lucky, watching Big Paul Scott and Prenders all share a bed, the discovery that one of our group is apparently a ginger and of course a flooded bedroom but the highlights for me were:

Barcelona, the city itself, its mystical.

Attending the Camp Nou and watching the worlds greatest player bag a brace against Seville followed by a mesmerising goal from Messi (and the fact that everyone in the stadium was smoking weed).

Getting to know Rob and Big Paul (whom id only briefly spoken to before, both top chaps).

Monday saw us return to Gib bruised battered but not broken and 2 days on the settee watching shite on sky before returning to work. Though 90% of the telly choices were shite there was the occasional highlight. Watching Celtic beat Benfica was one as was watching the poker million last night. I have to say even though the studio looks very dull the commentating from Jesse May and Roy Brindley was particularly good.

Tonight whilst hopefully winning the £100 tourney I will of course have my eyes on the biggest game in Europe currently, Barca vs. my beloved Blues. Having watched Barca Sunday I have my doubts that we can beat though im hoping Shevchenko will prove why we were right to pay 30 million for him. I don't expect him to settle into the premiership for another few months but the Champions League is a different kettle of fish and those clever runs he makes should test Barca tonight.

I have been going through a strange time at work recently; I will expand in more detail in a later post where of course all will be revealed.

Finally the blog title is in reference to the Avid Merrion impersonation of Christina Aguilera he performs so stunningly well in Bo Selecta. Whenever a load of blokes go away together you can guarentte they will come up with a strap line, this was ours.
You tube have a lot of his work, this being one of the highlights, if you like Madonna you will love this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l5gu1DWRnw

Or Michael Jackson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf5Y61jXOnI

Shamon motherfucker!

A few jars and eats

Im the one on the right.


For those of you who want to know about me or the background to this blog please refer to the previous blog I started back in June of this year

www.stanspokerblog.blogspot.com

Currently I live in Spain and work in Gibraltar for Stan James as the Stanspoker manager. Single and penniless with a love of poker and an opinion on just about everything I decided to enjoy writing on my own blog without the constraints and censorship one has to impose on ones self whilst writing in a work capacity. Much of the things I will be writing about will be much the same as they have been previously, Golf, poker, work, footie, drinking and the occasional lady (if I get lucky).

I did promise readers of the previous blog a couple of delicious stories about some of my colleagues whilst the Liverpool FC veterans were here on Monday, they will be coming but I need to ask permission of both blokes first, there good lads and im not aiming to stitch any one up.

Though it’s a new blog there won’t be many entries for a while as I have one of the greatest 8 days any bloke could hope for lined up from Monday.
To kick off 2 of my best mates from London are flying over at lunchtime with golf clubs in hand. A round of golf will no doubt be followed by a few jars, eats and a serious battle of egos on the PS2, Tiger Woods 2004.

Tuesday, a four ball with my mates and the Dragon, we are locked at 6 1/2 each in our ongoing season match. Followed by a few jars, eats and then a little home game of poker I have arranged.

Wednesday, another round of golf followed by a few jars, eats and then up to the Gib Casino for a £100 freeze out n/l hold em comp plus cash games.

Thursday, possibly an early round or 9 holes before the chaps depart then into work

Friday-work

Saturday, myself and six other chaps from the office fly up to Barcelona for the weekend. We have booked an apartment bang smack in the middle of the city and have will no doubt be partying hard.

Sunday, recover from night before, chuck any stray females out (I wish) followed by a few jars, eats and then off to the Camp Nou for Barca vs. Seville. As a Chelsea fan I intend to do a bit of spying and report anything I deem worthy straight to Jose.

Monday, fly back to Malaga, somehow get to Gib, followed by a few jars, eats and recover from week

Tuesday, normally golf vs. the Dragon followed by a few jars and eats
Magic

Part One

The quality of this blog will hopefully be along the lines of this sign