Monte Carlo Millions
The following is a trip report by our Poker Manager,
I arrived at
The Porter and the Concierge glanced nervously at us as we approached the locked door of the hotel and I received the sort of look Michael Jackson would get if he turned up as Santa Claus at your kids Christmas party.
I was able to show documentation that we were indeed booked in and from that moment on we were treated like everyone else - wonderfully well. After throwing the bags in to the room it was time to quench our thirst and where else but the ubiquitous Irish Bar! We met up with Sarah, Gareth and Mark from Prima (the tournament sponsors and organisers) who welcomed us with two pints of the black stuff and the festivities began. The Guinness was only 12 euros a pint, we had found the value. Hilariously we only stayed out because we thought they wanted to extend their hospitality to us; however it transpired that they only stayed out because they thought we wanted to. Unsurprisingly this resulted in a ruinous night out but a great start to the trip.
The next day I took a stroll around
After a delicious hamburger for lunch (another bargain at £50), Pete, Sarah, Gareth and myself took a stroll down to the port, where, amongst the £50 million yachts, a fair was taking place. At one of the stalls was a dancing James Brown who sang 'I Feel Good' when activated, naturally he spoke for us all. We retired for a quick change and went out for dinner as guests of Prima, to a magnificent restaurant called Maxim's along with all the other representatives of The Prima Network. After consuming good food and fine wine we retired upstairs to play in the Prima operator poker tournament. We'd all enjoyed the great hospitality therefore the standard wasn't particularly great, yet I somehow managed to find myself heads up with a gentleman playing in only his second ever tournament. Due to a series of bad beats, outrageous outdraws etc, he won and I collected a lovely pair of Prada cuff links for second place.
The conference took place Friday, after that we reconvened at the Irish bar. During a lull in the conversation I nipped to the loo and upon my return I was greeted with odd looks, knowing smiles and a big cuddle from Sarah who expressed her congratulations. Now I have been going to the toilet unassisted for more years than I care to remember, so it would appear something was awry. As I approached the table my boss had his head in his hands and seemed to be muttering, "What have I done?" It turned out that in a moment of clarity/optimism/madness (delete as appropriate) he had entered yours truly into the Monte Carlo Millions tournament, a $25,000 buy in against the World's greatest players for a $3 million purse and a guaranteed $1 million first prize. After establishing this wasn't one of his more devious wind ups, it appeared the tears in his eyes were genuine and that I was indeed 'going to the show'. On hearing this news I felt like celebrating and we went to local hotspot 'Jimmy's' where the 1st round of 4 drinks came to an interesting €110. Never mind, they couldn't charge us to dance and so for the next 4 hours we shook our booty's with the local hookers only to stop for nervous requests to the barman for 'glass of tap water please.'
Saturday was the day of the draw; I decided I needed to prepare for the tournament and what better way to relax than a massage in the awesome spa of the hotel. Sylvia, my appointed masseuse told me to prepare and threw me a sealed package saying she would be back in 5 minutes to begin. Opening the package I realised straight away how classy a place this was when they issue you silk swimming caps so the masseuse doesn't have to touch your hair. I couldn't seem to get it to fit properly and was struggling with the strings, but on staring into the mirror - it dawned on me. If you've ever sat semi naked in a massage room with a thong on your head, I can tell you now that it doesn't do much for your self-esteem. I quickly whipped things around and adjusted its location to where it should be just as Sylvia arrived; she must have seen stranger things coz she did'nt blink an eyelid.
After the massage, a swim, lunch, a tour of the Japanese gardens and then a truly never to be forgotten moment when I somehow wandered into the front of a parade, suddenly realising that the bloke 20 feet away from me was actually the new King of Monaco (it was the day of Prince Albert's coronation). I wished him well and retired to the hotel to put on the glad rags for the evening, it was the official draw for the tournament along with cocktail party and I had still had to pinch myself that I was going to be in it.
I arrived on time, was greeted with a glass of champagne and took a seat with my new entourage as we watched poker royalty arrive, each trying to look more important than the last person to enter; a psychologist would have had a field day. Some behaved terribly; the 'Noel Coward of Scunthorpe' or Devilfish as he is also known had apparently made all sorts of ridiculous demands that would have made Jennifer Lopez blush. For a man approaching his sixties he really should know better.
The draw began in alphabetical order. The names were read out, a veritable "who's who" of poker, Hansen, Hellmuth, Ivey etc and I quickly realised Spillane was not to far away from Tilley (the Hollywood actress Jennifer) and if stalled long enough when my name was called out I might get my ugly mug in a few press shots. My plan worked like a charm and if you see any photographs of the draw and see a fat faced nervous poker player grinning inanely, please be assured that it's me and not the lovely Ms Tilley. There was a minor commotion when players surged forward to look at the seat draw. As a fellow player I decided to join in and was only mildly disappointed when I realised they were all trying to see who had drawn 'that guy Spillane. You know - the dead money?
Sunday. Tournament day and my time had arrived. A pattern was established i.e. early breakfast, massage, swim and a final boogie with James before leaving the room to meet Sarah and Gareth in reception, who would act as my entourage for the remainder of the tournament, catering to my every whim (as long as it only involved getting a sandwich and/or a brew). Dressed in my resplendent and freshly pressed green t-shirt, emblazoned with the words 'STANSPOKER.COM' covering my heart - I looked every inch the internet qualifier. My table had 3 'faces' (poker parlance for established player), Phil Laak, winner of a World Poker Tour event, Antonio Estafardi winner of a World Poker Tour event and Paul "Action" Jackson, winner of more tournaments on the internet than anyone in history. Matt Savage did the honorable mentions and in an instant I heard 'shuffle up and deal'. We were at the races.
Each player was given $50,000 chips and the blinds were $100/$100. As the announcement was made, only 4 players had made it to our table. This often leads to trouble for someone, as nobody ever believes that any player who raises has a hand. Sure enough within 4 hands Phil Laak lost a $4,000 chip pot in which both players had nothing, not even a pair. I was happy to bide my time at this stage but it had already became apparent the player in the two seat had tried to read a "Poker for beginners" book at some stage, however had accidentally read a book on Knitting instead, and was playing very erratically - his chips were on offer.
Antonio showed up late but as soon as he took his seat the camera crews and photographers descended. It was my mission to get our logo 'out there' whenever possible, so began my leaning over and turning sideways trick which hopefully would have seen 'Stanspoker.com' in the background of a few photo's (and also explains why if you see pictures of me in that position it wasn't because I was born sideways). Laak considerable assisted our promotion initiative since we were in a pot in which I raised him on the river, and he showed me a flush draw that had missed, so I showed a smaller flush draw that had missed.
The cameras were on him as he turned to me, looked at my logo in disdain and proceeded a verbal rant that hopefully was all caught on film. 'Stans.com poker f*****g .com Stans whatever the f**k you are!' I burst out laughing as did the whole table and looking bemused - so did he. I would have liked for him to swear less as it would have increased our chances of it getting on American telly but no worries. Just then we heard 'player out' and I congratulated Antonio on his performance this year, last year he had been the first man out. He had actually started to boss the table and was winning all the pots when our hero in seat two decided to put him in his place. Seat two raised, Estafardi re-raised, seat two called. There were approximately $6,000 in the pot and we weren't out of the first level. The flop was A-K-9 two spades. Seat 2 bet $2,000 and Estafadi raised to $10,000, seat 2 called. The turn was the jack of spades, seat 2 bet $2,000 and Estafardi raised to $10,000 and then seat two moved all in.
After a pause Estafardi's only comment was 'well I gotta call, I think I am winning, you haven't got a flush'. He was right (if he had arrived on time he may have noticed seat 2 couldn't spell flush let alone care what one was) but he knew what the 'nuts' meant and proudly turned over his Q-10 o/s crushing Estafardi's A-K. No Ace or King came and the man who was out first last year, had improved his place by one, as Laak pointed out he was destined to win the tournament if only he could live another 118 years.
They moved us shortly after this as ours was the first table to break and I was moved to sit next to an old friend of mine, Ken Lennard, who had the talkative Tony G and the busty Kirsty Gazes keeping him company. I had played against Ken many times in the past and wasn't happy to have him on my left, he's an aggressive player and wasn't going to take kindly to me stealing his blind. Almost immediately I got him a little tilty (definition-to be knocked off ones axis). I had raised with A-8s, not a great hand but I wanted to play a few iffy hands early at every table. I would try and give my opponents a first impression of me as a loose internet player, rather than the ex-pro that i was. Most saw straight through me. Ken called and we saw a flop of 7-5-4. I bet, he raised and I decided to re-raise. He dwelt, showed me A-Q and I showed the table my Ace-8.
The very next hand I raised he called and we saw a flop AKQ, not a great flop for my 33. We checked the turn and river of 10-9 and my 33 was good. It made me question what hand he had called my raise with. At this point, I also decided to slow down since I knew things were going to hot up pretty quickly. After exactly 1 hand of slowing down, I raised with A-3, only to find 3 callers including the excitable Tony G who was in the big blind and who wasn't going to allow a little scally like me to steal his blind.
The flop was 3-5-6 o/s. He checked, I bet and the other two players passed whilst he called. The turn was a 2 again. He checked, so I decided a big enough bet here would win me the pot, '$2,000' I said, 'I call' said he. The river was a queen, again he checked, I wasn't sure what he was holding but was sure a $10,000 bet would win me the pot. As my chips were moving forward, he said "Call" and my heart sank. He had made a good call with 4-4. 'You would have busted me if the 4 comes" he said and I knew he was serious. Oh well it was my first real setback of the day, but as I was thinking how to win my chips back I got moved again as the high blind to my third table of the afternoon.
Shortly after I was moved again. Whenever a player was "all in", Matt Savage would announce the players hands and then inform us of the cards that came out, the amount of times it was AA v KK was stunning and believe me the AA didn't fare well all day (except in one painful hand for one player with Kings, all the money was in before the flop, a King was the 1st card out, an Ace was the river, ouch!). I was moved to a table with Carlos Mortenson former WSOP champion on my left and Mike 'The Mouth' Matusow on his left (a nickname well & truly deserved). I made my first proper blunder of the day after a messy board of QQKJA. My 8-7 was useless but I still somehow managed to bluff off 3 or 4 thousand to the Mouth. When Matt Savage tapped me on the shoulder I honestly thought he was going to say 'Paul, your an impostor and the way you played that hand proves it, get out!' instead he said, 'Paul, I'm real sorry but its moving time again'. This was ridiculous, I hadn't had this much exercise in years, still I had hoped to be pitted against as many of the top players as possible and looked forward to the next star studded table. Again, I was not to be disappointed.
My chip count was a healthy $80,000 approx at this stage as I sat down to another table poker superstars. Scott Fishman, Eric Siedel, Gavin Smith Mads Andersen and Mark Goodwin all seemed uninterested in the perceived internet qualifier who had just taken his seat. Mark is someone I had known from way back and as is customary in these situations, he tried to bluff me out of the first pot I played. Holding A-10 I called him on every street of a board of A-Q-9-8-7. He claimed to have Kings, (I once claimed I dated Angelina Jolie).
Shortly after it was the dinner break and I had to find a way to occupy myself for 90 minutes. Not being hungry I opted for a shower and a group hug from Team Stanspoker, namely Sarah and Gareth. After the break, the boss even decided to observe how his $25,000 gamble was getting on, not bloomin' bad was the consensus.
Even though Hellmuth was moved to my left, I didn't feel anything could annoy me. I was happy with my game, had decent chips and I felt I was making some half decent reads. In fact on the very 1st hand after the break I flat called a raise from Mads with K-10, the board was K-A-Q-Q-9. We had checked the flop, I had called his bet on the turn and had checked to him on the river, he bet $15,000. For all sorts of reasons I wanted to call him but the reason I did more than any other was that just before the break, Mark and I had discussed how the Scandinavian players play against bigger stacks and this situation was just as we had discussed. I called and he mucked his hand in disgust before I turned mine over. I showed it and Mark gave me a knowing smile.
In this tournament whenever a player was all in a 5-man film crew, 3 photographers and at least 4 separate reporters for the Internet, as well as a few excited fellow players and spectators all rushed to the table – in short - where some player was in danger of saying goodbye to his $25,000 investment. It was my turn to enjoy the attention when finally I got my favourite hand 7-2 o/s. Ok it was aces, the Frenchman in the 5 seat who had been playing a few hands decided to get busy after I had raised to $3000, had gotten re-raised by a player in seat 4 to $12,000 and the Frenchman moved all in for another $40,000.
Rather than complicate things, I decided to move as well and the 3 seat folded, I was has heads up with Aces against a pair of eights with around 100k in the pot, not a bad situation to be in…or it wouldn't have been hadn't a pesky 8 appear on the board and my Aces went into the muck. Losing with Aces is comparable to getting a phone call from your girlfriend saying she has met someone else, your gutted at the time but you get over it. You know the Aces will show up again. However losing with Aces at this stage was like hearing she was shacking up with my brother, had emptied my bank account and had reversed the charges on the phone call. Anyway, as I tell people whom have the faith to let me teach them the game, one of the golden rules is never give up. It was also at this precise moment a couple of bloggers came up to me and reported some messages of support from a few old friends who were obviously worried that if I did the unthinkable and won any money - they wouldn't be forgotten. However their messages of support did lift me and I was still on a healthy stack of $60,000 or so. Scott Fishman was kind enough to whisper words of encouragement after an appropriate amount of hands had passed and the Frenchman kept giving looks of real sorrow that it had to be me he had outdrawn. I won a few more pots and enjoyed the banter between Smith (who had enjoyed the free wine during the dinner break more then most) and
The mouth can go one way or the other, but today he was in splendid form. His first sentence of the day was, 'Why is there no dead money in this tournament - Oh hi Randy' a reference to fellow American pro Randy Jensen whom it appeared has a reputation for imploding in these type of events. 'Shuffle up and Deal', the ship set sail and we were off again on this wonderful journey with hope in our hearts but knowing that at the end of today only 12 of us would still be onboard, the others remaining all at sea.
The day started uneventfully enough for me, raising Jensen off a hand with A-Q got me a few chips that I had to ship back to him after I passed 9-9 to his reraise. The table was steady, the Mouth was in good spirits even though he was not getting the better of Morten however much he tried. Then it happened….
Nothing much changed for a while after his arrival, The Mouth became more subdued, but other than that it was a case of everyone waiting for him to do something extraordinary, something we could tell our grandchildren about, but Ivey wasn't biting, he simply passed the first 15 or so hands. Out of nowhere I made my first big mistake of the tournament and one I was lucky to get away with.
Per Ummer was on my right and had let his stack dwindle down to what I guessed was $7,000 odd and change. I knew he didn't want to be knocked out at this stage as he, like me, wanted to stick around and enjoy the experience of playing with Ivey. He was in first position and threw in what I thought was all his chips, I immediately raised to $15,000 with Ace ten of Diamonds to shut out the field, I hadn't played a hand for an hour and was sure I would get the respect I deserved.
Along with Ivey, had arrived a character who's only interest in the game seemed to be sucking up to Ivey and telling the rest of us who would listen, how extraordinarily rich he was. 'My girlfriend just spent $40,000 in Prada so I gotta come 7th or better' was his opening gambit, a complete and utter tosser. I had switched him off as soon as he uttered his first sentence but I was now all too aware that his dwell up wasn't just for Ivey's benefit. 'All-in' he announced and I took my sunglasses off to weigh up the situation, when the enormity of my mistake started to dawn on me. Per hadn't raised "all in" but had in fact just flat called the $1,600 big blind. It would have appeared that I had taken leave of my senses and bulldozed the pot with a huge over bet that I didn't want called. I was facing a raise of $25,000, the money I had already put into the pot was gone so what price was my hand? The blinds and Pers call made it $4,000 + my $15,000 + my opponents $15,000 plus his raise of $25,000 meant I was calling $25,000 to win $85,000, I felt i had to call. My opponent had Ace King and we were surrounded by the now customary film crew's photographer's, blogger's etc. I started to explain how I had ballsed it up and I wasn't surprised to miss the flop when it came Qhearts 9diamonds 6clubs. The turn changed things dramatically though, the eight of diamonds meant I had picked up a back door flush draw, a middle pin jack and of course a 10 would win me the pot. The perfect 2 of diamonds rivered and I had just got enormously lucky to stay in the tournament. Out of respect to my opponent I didn't gloat - though inside the feeling was akin to being invited by Girls Aloud to host their Anne Summers party.
We were also down to appox 40 players; after we lost 4 more we would be redrawn to play on 6 tables of 6 till we were down to the lucky 12. Whether my play had bamboozled Ivey I couldn't say, all I know is after that the man began to take charge. Small raises here, subtle re-raises there, all carried out in his thoughtful yet thoroughly intimidating style and we slowly began to surrender to him. Well we did until Richard Herbert played a hand wonderfully well against him. Richard made a small raise on top of Ivey's initial raise. Ivey raised small back and Richard called. Richard was on the high blind and Ivey was two to his left. The flop was A-2-4 two hearts and Richard led out for $10,000. Ivey made it $30,000 and Richard pushed "all in" for an amount (I'm not sure) but I would guess another $40,000 to Ivey. He held a pained expression and was shaking his head but it appeared that pot odds were forcing him to call. Reluctantly he called revealing AK as Richard turned over 2-2 for a set. Due to the "all in" and it being Ivey behind in the pot, all hell broke loose. I was smashed into along with a couple of my opponents by bungling cameramen intent on providing witness to this cataclysmic event. Ivey wasn't supposed to lose. What the hell's happening here? The hand would have fizzed out had an ace not appeared on the turn and the already excited observers and cameraman went into full frenzy mode. The Queen on the river gave Richard enough of a jolt, but his hand held up and he had crippled the golden boy, all of those at the table were secretly delighted, it's a lot less scary boxing Mike Tyson if his hands are tied behind his back. "Well played Richard", I thought, its easy enough flopping a big hand, however it's a lot more difficult extracting the maximum out of it and against a player of Ivey's calibre. I didn't think he could have played it any better.
Meanwhile at another table Tony G was trying his best to turn poker into a WWF event, knocking out players all over the place and exacerbating their pain of being knocked out by commenting on either how stupid they were or how brilliantly he had played. All he lacked was a gimp mask and a cheetah skin leotard. Just when I thought it couldn't get much more exciting there was another "all in" at our table. Once again it involved Richard but this time his opponent was little 'ol me. Richard had raised in early position and on the button I found those two Aces again, had they come to finally finish me off? I gave it a suitable
It was a cruise to the last 36 where we were redrawn. I hastily looked at the list: Tournament chip leader in seat one, the Frenchman who had beaten my Aces previously. Top
After a quick ciggie and a word or two from the Stanspoker support team, Sarah and Gareth (the boss had flown home swearing to return if I could make the final), I caught up with El Blondie or Dave Colclough as he used to be known. I asked for any advice, his words were 'don't do anything stupid'. I must have misheard him because the 1st hand we played I did something stupid. I had played with
After that disaster my only move for a while was fold or move "all in". Due to the decreasing number of players, the film crews were on the prowl, lurking like vultures ready to feast on the next player's carcass. I gave them plenty of opportunity for exercise as I moved "all in" a few times, once over the top of Ivey and
It wasn't a break - it was the dinner break; I was so wrapped up in everything I had forgotten we got time off for good behaviour and dinner. Rather than go to my room I escorted the entourage (all 2 of them) to the Cafe Du Paris next to the casino where Prima had organised a buffet for everyone. After a decent prawn curry I said my goodbyes and went to clear my head before battle recommenced. When I got back I was surprised to see my chips had gone and our table nowhere to been seen. Just then one of the film crew asked me if I was the fat bloke from stanspoker, I said I was and he said to join him and he would get me miked up – since I was now on the TV table. Things had suddenly gone from the ridiculous to the sublime. When the girl whose job it was to mike people up, saw me approach she made a panicked gesture for assistance and an English bloke who was part of the crew fitted me up. He offered me some words of encouragement, we were down to the last 25, 5 tables of 5 and somehow I was still here, ready to amaze the 50 million or so American viewers who would notice my cavalier play and hail me as the new "God of Poker". Sponsors would come flocking, Ferrari, Gucci, Playgirl. Perhaps not.
Our table was now Jani Sointula, last year's winner and chip leader, Kenna James, Ivey,
My thought process was as follows. Ivey knew as well as the rest of the table that Kenna was weak in this hand and that he wouldn't be calling, this meant he only had to get passed Jesus and I. I didn't feel
I ambled out of the TV set up and was met by Sarah who gave me a cheer up cuddle, which was interrupted by the Fox Network, who asked me for an interview. Asking a player for an interview after he or she has been knocked out of a tournament is like the Hangman asking if you enjoyed your breakfast, but I was pleased to have another chance to get the logo across. I can't actually remember too much. I think they asked me the last hand I played out and who I thought would finish in the top 3. I did well here naming Ivey and Mark Goodwin as well as Tony G as my top 3. After that I did another interview with 'pokerzone', which was much the same and then it was time for a well-earned beer and ciggie. Not for me the $10,000 sit'n'go's that had sprung up between the former contestants.
After getting so far it was a small anti climax to be knocked out 9 off the money and whilst on the TV table. No more early morning massages and singsongs with James.
I was very happy that I played well, especially as I hadn't had time to prepare. I imagine with all I have learnt during this tournament that I will be more or less unbeatable in the Stan James poker school, though I have yet to win one of the £10 tournaments we hold, I feel I am better prepared than ever to win!
After the amazing final (if you haven’t seen it, watch the greatest hand ever recorded by TV http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--Qap3VT_ZY ) we all went to a local club and got bought champagne by Mr Ivey himself. But some strange quirk of fate I got sat next to him for a few minutes and listened to him explain to Paul Jackson why he played THAT hand against him as he did, it was a surreal moment for a wannabe poker player. He was in good form and very chatty, quite unlike his table persona, he said he enjoyed playing and hanging out with the European players more than the Americans as he thought he thought we were a bit more light hearted, I suspect it was because we were easier to beat and moaned less when he did beat us. Sadly he said he had to get back to his wife who had been largely ignored whilst he was playing, again proof of what a top bloke he is. On a side note he played a special one table event the following day against a host of the worlds top players and of course won that for another tasty $600,00.
I nearly didn't make it out of Monaco, when I got to the helicopter shuttle the amount of Bvlgari toiletries I had stolen from the hotel room attracted the attention of the local constabulary who thought I had raided a warehouse. Thankfully I made it through and upon arrival at Nice airport I was immediately recognised by my adoring new fan base, Joe Beevers of the Hendon Mob and his wife. James made a great impression on checking in staff at the airport, I can see this is not the last time we are going to go on the pull together.
I would very much like to play this tournament again but think its highly unlikely. One thing I do know though is that any top tournament player in the world cannot afford to miss this event, as Phil Ivey stated, 'there is no better tournament in the world right now than this one'. As it is an invite tournament, one or two may not be asked back after their attitudes this year, shamefully some players think they are bigger than the game. It’s not difficult to understand why the tournament was such a big success, the dealers were magnificent, the hospitality outrageously good, Matt Savage & Prima take much credit for this. Another reason may have been the great atmosphere in which the tournament was played in, the room helped, as did the relative lack of ego (with one or two minor exceptions), perhaps again helped by absence of acolytes, sycophants and hangers on.
Thanks to all of Prima team, especially Mark, Chris and Jon. Thanks to the bloggers who passed on the kind messages of support and thanks to those who sent them. Congrats to the fellow Brits I met who also did well including Jayzinder, Richard Herbert, Paul Jackson and Mark Goodwin. Thanks to the other Prima operators who, although the competition, made the tournament and week so enjoyable, especially Matt, Alex, Sandy and Paul. Special thanks go to Sarah Jones (who people constantly asked, 'are you his wife?' I definitely came out better in that opinion,) and Gareth Watt who were fantastic fun and looked after The Boss and I brilliantly, (by that I mean buying the beers and making us laugh). Finally a special thank you to The Boss who showed blind faith (?) and gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. Hope you enjoyed this ramble, if you didn't avert your eyes as there is another report in the future on the Monte Carlo Gold Tournament and the various hands that were played there. Next year we hope one or two of you might qualify through Stanspoker and we can all enjoy the extra $10,000 bonus that we pay, together.
First published in Bluff Magazine
posted by lionel hutz at 7/20/2009
