No Bacon? No Sausage?

Boris, we meet again


The parent’s barbecue I attended at their house in Ireland was a rip roaring success though there was one little moment of sadness for me.
On the Friday evening a few of us were helping with the preparations when one of my parents friends turned up with about 16 pigeons he had shot that very afternoon. Some of you will remember the last time I was back home I struck up a friendship with a pigeon called Boris and I couldn’t help wondering whilst I was plucking and dissecting the birds if one of them may have been my beloved winged friend. If it was I hope it was the one I ate with my steak, it was delicious and I’m sure it’s what Boris would have wanted.
The highlight apart from seeing lots of family and friends was the surprise firework display. I have paid to see firework displays that wouldn’t hold a roman candle to this one.
The night of course was lit up by the music provided by a funky jazz band and followed by an army of relatives belting out tune after tune.

My parents barbee was swiftly followed by the Stan James barbecue in Gibraltar which itself was accompanied by a free bar; I think most regular readers can imagine the rest.
After this I am reliably informed I attended the infamous ‘underground’ nightclub which for the last 10 years has won Gibraltar’s prestigious ´shithole of the year` award.
Heaven knows what I was up to in there but fortunately I made it home without going for a quick kip on the runway as I did last year.

The job hunting is at full pace at the moment. Sadly the Barcelona dream looks to have died on its arse. The CV is in tip top shape though, the agencies are the case and things seem to be happening at the moment. Wish me luck.

Recently Johnny Spice, Kelan Spice, Simon and I went to see a friend of ours who has had some difficulties lately. Sadly this resulted in him being institutionalised into a special unit in a Gibraltar Hospital. I must admit I wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to go and see him in that environment but mates a mate. It made things easier going with 3 others, Kelan had been before and the stories he had told us about the place had us all biting our nails before we got past the front door.
We were let into an open ward where our mate seem chuffed to see us all, apparently only one person had been to see him so far. He was given the obligatory copy of the sun and 200 Marlboro lights before we sat down for a chat. Though an intimidating environment it didn’t take long to relax and we actually ended up having a bit of a giggle. We played rummy for a while and both Kelan and Simon had some of the inmates staring at them in disbelief at their quite horrendous play; it would have been no surprise had they both been detained for a ‘check up’ upon leaving.
One or two other patients played cards and chatted with us, some stories were related about what some people had done to end up in a place like that and I’m sure it made us all think there but for the grace of God. If it can happen to a young fit man it can happen to anyone. It was suggested we all go on a fishing trip and take the chief with us, I think we may well have a stab at that next week.

Of course being skint and having a lot of time on your hands leads to one thing only (apart from excessive masturbation), I’m talking television. Three programmes I must recommend if you haven’t already seen them.

‘Studio 60 on the sunset strip’ is from the writers of the west wing and stars Matthew Perry. Well written, clever and funny.

‘Megastructures’ is something that’s always on the discovery channel and well worth a viewing.

Finally and in the manner of leaving the best till last ‘Entourage’ is something ‘he who is blessed’ put me onto a long time ago but I went off travelling and missed it. It was created by Mark Wahlberg and seems to be a snap shot of his life in Hollywood just before he cracked the big time. This is a must see show.


Vince and the gang

Alongside these my sister recently lent me series 3, 4, 5 & 6 of the best drama ever seen on TV for me to view for the 10th time. If you don’t believe me check out these clips

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhHRwmZO3wg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8NR20QSMfc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4OakqPbUj0

Television often shocks but no more so than when your lying on your couch on a Saturday night flicking through the channels, when you suddenly stop at a programme and realise the light bulb shaped bloke on the screen is you.
A couple of years ago I ran a promotion in Vegas on behalf of ‘Stanspoker’ which involved running a small poker tournament involving the ‘Hooters girls’. Some of Britain’s finest poker players (and mostly mates of mine) showed up for a free bar and a chance to play or teach a nubile well shaped American sexpot Hooters girl.
I managed to get a couple of camera crews there who filmed the afternoon and interviewed some of the faces as well as yours truly.

A day (and night) to remember

I had completely forgotten about this and so on Saturday night when I stopped at challenge at around 11pm I was simply flabbergasted to see my fat self wandering around in my Stan’s Poker tee-shirt, cords and trainers, I instantly realised unlike a fine wine I am not aging well. It was a surreal experience and honestly I had not taken any drugs.

To football and the season has been a cracker so far, Chelsea attacking, Utd under early pressure, woeful goalkeeping; the highlight of course being Spurs at the bottom.
Spurs of course fully deserve their place at the bottom after their supporter’s shameful behaviour.
Armchair fans are given a pass to boo at their own team but not supporters at the ground. Watch a bunch of tossers. I despise any fan who boo’s his or her team unless under the most extreme of circumstances, this does not include losing at home to a half decent side.

I’m already having cause to bang on about all my normal moans, why don’t they use sin bins and get rid of the yellow card, why don’t they use video technology and why don’t they use that same technology with more active 4th officials. The whole point for me is to get rid of the inherent culture of cheating that thrives in football.

Why doesn’t the normally excellent ‘Sky’ replace ‘Andy Gray’ as the main game pundit? I have a million reasons on this one and will never be persuaded that he’s worth his place. In fact whilst watching the Tottenham Everton game, Sky’s coverage cut to a little girl sitting with a pair of headphones on, a dummy in her mouth whilst she sat staring at a baby pc looking every bit the commentator. Andy Gray couldn’t help himself but to interject
‘ha-ha love, you’ll soon be replacing me’.
‘Sooner the fucking better mate’ I found myself shouting at the screen.

Lastly the foot and mouth outbreak in England meant a wasted journey to the supermarket in Gibraltar recently. A few of us are off the ale at the moment and decided a good food shop with special focus on the bacon and sausage section would lighten the mood. Imagine our horror when we went to bacon and sausage section to see signs saying that due to foot n mouth the store no longer had fresh meat and guess what that replaced on the shelves of the bacon and sausage section? 10 points if you said chilled bastard lager.

RIP-Legend