Anal Lip Pulse

A dream realised.



So after all the blamestorming (sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed) testiculating (waving your arms around and talking bollocks about why a project failed, and who was responsible) the 2008 took place in Dublin’s Regency hotel and was, by common consent, a tremendous success.

Looking back it’s preposterous to think we could actually get 1300 players to the event but somehow we did (the most ever outside of the US). Everyone seemed to spend the weekend playing cards or getting drunk (a high proportion managed both) in a fantastically well managed event backed up with lots of small extras provided courtesy of the sponsors.

Far too many to mention of my favouriest people were in attendance with one of them splitting a side event and another making a deep run in the main which cheered me up enormously.
The whole thing could only have worked with exceptional teamwork and whilst I charged about like a bumble bee with hay fever it was a delight to be part of such a hardworking and likeable team.

One thing I keen to provide was a final table experience unique to the event and I think we got there. Jesse May introduced the finalists, read out the player bios, ad libbed anecdotes whilst the chaps were led out arm in arm with a couple of Boyles Ladies (except the only female finalist who was led out by a couple of ropey looking blokes).


After a weekend of work like the previous one a much needed rest was required, but the following weekend happened to coincide with a friend of mines wedding.

I first met the groom Peter a few years back when I was invited to joined a golf society by another good friend of mine; It’s easier to enter Anne Widdecombe than it is to become a tour member yet delightfully somehow I managed a way in.
The society is made up of chaps who work in the City (predominately in insurance), there’s a wide range of ages and an even wider range of waistlines. It’s an annual tour and for the last few years has taken part in the magnificent city of Galway.
Numbers are usually around the 16 mark and believe me when I say even a seasoned party animal like myself needs a serious rest period after one of the tour weekends.
Many of the nights out end in carnage, tour members have at various times been involved in or caught;
snogging a sixty year old,
indulged in a threesome,
knocked over a punter in a wheelchair on a dance floor
broken limbs
been sick all over the golf course including one year most spectacularly one year over the putting green;

and those are just the incidents I feel relaxed about mentioning on here to give you an insight.

The whole weekend took place in the Ritz Carlton Powerscourt in County Wicklow about 25 miles from Dublin city centre I have been lucky enough to have stayed in some pretty luxurious hotels in my time and this was right up there with the best.


Even good enuff for Robbie Keane apparently but we won't hold that against it.

The Bathroom, not quite the Wynn or the Crown but close

The Spa, if you can't unwind here forget about it, your already dead.

The staff where exceptional, even to someone like me who obviously wasn’t their normal type of cliental.

The food was a treat; Ramsey has a place there and on the Friday night I tried the most expensive foodstuff in the world, the white truffle. I was informed French farmers regularly murder each other over the things and though I didn’t really understand why (other than the monetary value) it did taste nice. Ok the slice was as thin as a gnats chuff but it didn’t matter, the food was delicious and I allowed all the luxury to wash over me and cleanse me from the previous weekend.

The spa, golf and surroundings all added to a fab weekend and the perfect backdrop to the wedding of Peter and Shauna.

They a couple that just seems to have a good laugh all of the time so it was no surprise that they decided to do things a little differently. The church service music for example included a young lass doing a blinding Ava Maria and a Welsh choir singing a host of great tunes including Jerusalem (100-1 you hear that in a catholic church in Wicklow more than once a decade).

The whole ceremony climaxed with everyone singing ‘bring me sunshine’ aka Morecambe and Wise with the best man and bridesmaid exiting the church doing the M&W dance, you couldn’t ask for more.

Before we sat down to dinner we were all literally swimming in perky champagne (as they say champagne for my real friend’s real pain for my sham friends) being served out of jeroboams. Peter giggling told me I should enjoy the seating arrangement. He was right. I was put between a pair of cheeky single sisters, one who had just divorced, the other obviously having already enjoyed a jeroboam or two. The food was very tasty and served before the speeches, a great improvement on most weddings I thought. A live band free bar and huge dance floor finished off a weekend I will never forget.


A week ago a break again was needed so I headed to one of my favorite places in the world, Amsterdam. Many lifetimes ago when I was a pro poker player there were three tournaments in the world you dare not miss no matter if you were skint or not. Vegas for the World Series, Dublin for the Irish Open but my number one was The Masterclassics held at Lido Casino Amsterdam. The venue itself is spectacular, a massive circus tent with high ceiling a darkened roof with stars all over them.

A very uniqe venue

The staff were so laid back you wondered how they didn’t fall over.

The female staff left a lasting impression not just for their beauty but seemingly like all female residents of Amsterdam how stylishly dressed they always appeared. Haut couture is something you don’t normally associate with a poker tournament.

I remember once playing in a tournament at being served amous bouche by the trayful. All sorts of elaborate dishes containing amongst other things lobster, foie gras, melon, spices and sponge. As a drinker of lager the beer is unsurpassable.

The sense of excitement of reaching a final table (something sadly I never have achieved but came very close a few times) must have been adrenaline inducing to a new level. Of course to add to all the excitement of the venue is the city itself. Start the day with an imbibing visit to one of the cities coffee shops then just let yourself go and get lost walking around the centre. Day or night you feel safe which is probably why so many different nationalities of tourist all seem to be doing the same thing, its wonderful.

I have so many colorful tales from the event they would fill a few blogs on their own but one of my favorites didn’t involve me.

Mad Marty Wilson is well known on the poker scene as much today as he was 10 years ago and its fair to say that past decade saw Marty struggle a few times. Surinder Sunar is well known on the poker scene as much today as he was 10 years ago and its fair to say that past decade saw Surinder top of his game. In short one was flying the other struggling.

Marty told me that one evening he had left the casino, broke and without a hotel room; to add to is misery it was absolutely tonking it down. Seeing the Marriott across the room he headed over optimistically remembering Surinder had a suite there. He phoned Surinder in his room from reception explaining his predicament, “any chance you could do me a favour mate, im broke and it’s pissing down outside?” “No problem mate, il be down in a sec”, ten minutes later Surinder duly appeared out of the lift walked over to Marty and handed him an umbrella.

Ive been bang out of form recently and it makes me grouchy. Im doing my money in online poker; got stood up on a date; the cars playing up etc. To cheer myself up (I thought) I went and started messing about on an anagram site. After toying with a few names I put my own name in, hence the heading of this blog, I suppose it might cheer you up at least.

Oh Carolina where are you when i most need you?